Total Eclipse of the Sun

Wow.

I know, I know: all the hype. All the funny looking glasses, the over-the-top festivals, the little-examined privilege of expending vast resources to grok a two minute look at some natural phenomena that actually seems to happen more often than the hipsters would suggest. All of that. And yet.

Wow.

I’ll spare the details of my own journey to the dark side of the sun, but I will say this: what compares to looking up at the noonday sun, to find it entirely hidden for a brief moment in time by the fullness of the new, otherwise invisible, moon? Nothing I have seen or imagined in this lifetime. The swiftly encroaching darkness, the vision of Venus visible at high noon, the dusky sunrise/sunset glow visible simultaneously east and west. The whooping and hollering of my campmates. (Okay, that could have turned into silence and I would have been okay.) A stillness seemed to descend along with the dawning awareness that, unlike most other things in life, something was happening RIGHT NOW that was entirely new and never-before experienced by anyone in attendance.

Wow.

Does the mind now turn to April 8, 2024, the next total solar eclipse visible in North America? Why yes. Yes, it does.

P.S. A shout out to the celestial watchers from the Maya on down to contemporary scientists–how amazing is it that our collective understanding of the cosmos is so deep that we actually know in advance how such cosmic events will unfold, to the second? No small feat. Wow.

I’m making a new record ~ wanna help?

Hi friends, I just launched a 2-week crowdfunding campaign to pre-sell my upcoming album and help me cover final expenses: www.igg.me/at/adambauer2

It took me a few years since finishing Shyam Lila, but I’m delighted to be back in the studio and finishing up this new record–Wonderville–working with legendary producer Ben Leinbach.

I actually began recording this one in Winter 2016, recording in the ancient city of Varanasi India (aka Benares), and have been plugging away since then. We’re aiming to release it on the Mantralogy label later this summer–so this campaign will help me cover final studio time, musicians, engineering and production, and album package design and manufacturing etc.

Hope to see you over at Indiegogo–and thank you!!
<3 adam

Trouble in Paradise

TMI alert. Do you ever have — wait, let me rephrase — I am having one of those spells where I’m just feeling disconnected from Self, from the love I know is always all around me. I’m traveling in a beautiful warm faraway place (“Thailand! Yay!”) and I realize I am so freaking lucky and blessed to have this opportunity, but in truth, inside, I am feeling rather lonely, disconnected, isolated.

I’ve been flying solo for so long (most of my life, in truth), and while that often works for me in profound ways — leaving me feeling free to connect authentically with the world around me as it presents itself, unrestrained by that which is not me — I am beginning to feel like it’s been too many years since I have felt held in the warm embrace of loving relationship, something/someone I could fully lean into, be fully vulnerable with. Flying solo means an awful lot of responsibility, taking care of myself at all times while often caring for others too, as I often deeply love to do. (Though as I re-read that, it seems to apply to flying partnered too, so I guess nobody gets out unscathed.)

And even though I truly feel amazingly connected to a world-wide tribe of incredible people and communities, and feel deeply blessed to travel the world offering my brain, my soul, my healing gifts and being touched and moved by people and life all around the planet — well, there’s a shadow side to all that, there really is.

When I return home — to my gorgeous, quiet forest retreat in the hills of rural New England — I often return to reckon with the reality of having been gone so long that, while I’ve been off nurturing and being nourished by my global community, I’ve missed big pieces of what makes life worth living: sharing with my oldest friends the marriage ceremonies of their children, the deaths of their parents, the daily comings and goings that comprise the foundation of so much of the ongoing depths and intimacies of life.

Oh, and by the way: here’s the to do list of homesteading stuff that’s been demanding your attention while you’ve been away. Welcome home! Um, cool, I’ll try to get to all that while I’m home this week, before the next tour or road trip starts. Ack!

Lately, I’ve been feeling again an inner yearning for partnership, at the deepest and most profound of levels. In recent years, that yearning has been tempered by the sheer brutality unleashed by/experienced with my former partner in the wreckage of my last attempt at doing that with one other person. The sad truth is, I don’t *entirely* trust people anymore to not be selfish pricks when the chips are down — I’ve seen it, felt it, too many times. I live and engage with the world with, in some ways, a deeply loving, open heart — but in ways difficult and mysterious to truly understand, I’m afraid my heart is much more protected, even closed, than I can even see, certainly more than I wish it was. And part of my own cross to bear is, I seem to pre-emptively protect myself in ways that are, no doubt, partially causative of the very isolation I am feeling in moments like these. What a pisser! How my own conscious or unconscious moves toward self-protection are partially (largely? entirely?) responsible for the very loneliness I most desire relief from. Fuck!

It’s like a perfect storm, all conspiring to hammer the point home. In a way I guess that’s great, because it does rather focus one on the work at hand. But still.

Anyway, I hope those for whom this was TMI peeled off paragraphs ago, and only those readers remain who might have a drop of compassion, not just for me but for all of us who wrassle with the inner tigers of loneliness, depression, despair. We are not alone, no matter what it sometimes feels like on days like these. Strange days indeed. Most peculiar, Mama.

Onward, through the fog…

stairway to heaven?

stairway to heaven?